Poem: i make promises to myself

i make promises to myself
like:

i will
never
categorize + number
your flaws

but

i am
checking off
a chalkboard list

i press on
the gold stars

they fall off

i will go through the motions
     taking it off and turning you on
i will make you weak
     opening you up and closing off
i will conjure up feelings
     you didn't know you had

i broke my own heart
and now i want you
to put it back
t    o    g    e    t    h    e    r

this is not a master plan
it is an endless
predictable loop
with no exit

still
     i want to feel you radiate

ideally
     i will
     put away the past
     and like a morning glory
     open up to the sun
but always
     fragile and waiting
     for the sun to set.