Oh, you know... quarter life crisis...

I woke up in the middle of the night freaking out about pretty much everything I had been worrying myself with all week. Getting a job, facing phobias, exercising, being a good friend and girlfriend, being vegetarian, getting my citizenship, paying bills/money, taking care of my brother, and answering the question, "What should I do with my life?"

After my freak out I realized that I just woken from a dream in which I was unknowingly and uncontrollably destroying things the people love. I felt like a ruining force in people's lives, that just by association I was making their lives tougher not better. The idea that I'm like that, whether true or not, hurts me very deeply.

I'm having doubts about the way I've been doing things and even what I value. When I see a problem in my relationships with people should I make an obvious effort to be better or does trying too hard not work? If I feel something should I let it be known or should I think it over (and how long should I think it over) before saying anything?

I only feel half (quarter?) as uncertain as I was feeling at my most dramtically low in recent times but I feel more sensitive to these unsettling feelings because I know just how bad they can get. I want to catch it as soon as it hits me and do something about it. The trouble is figuring out the solution. Last year I knew the solution I just needed to convince myself that it was okay to go against something I had so strongly believed in. I already had my solution and I had already made up my mind that I was going to do it, the only problem was doing it. This is something that I have problems with-- knowing what the next step is and just not being able to take it.

I can't sleep.