I've said it a million times but I'll say it again. I fucking hate Ticketmaster. $20 tickets for The Shins at the Warfield on June 1 suddenly become $57. Grrrrr!!! The worst part is that I still bought them. My brother is gonna go to the box office to buy tickets for Peaches on May 14th at the Fillmore. That's gonna be an awesome show.
I'm so teenage right now, I know. I listened carefully to Nada Surf's "Popular." In part:
Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends
Brutal. I heard their latest release is pretty good. I might have to pick it up.
I've been writing all these entries I never ended up posting because when I reread them for spelling (yeah, I actually do double check even though it's not apparent) they sounded totally stupid. Maybe I'm just just thinking about too much and can't write a cohesive entry about one thing. Actually, I tried writing a post about how I looked at my dad's credit card statement that showed that he spent $700 at Lacoste (the tennis shirts with the alligator on the chest) and how my aunt and brother are shopaholics.
Then I was thinking about writing about how I was looking at some photos and was overwhelmed by this sudden wave of hatred for the person in the photos and thought, "fucking asshole." It was so sudden and so strong I really surprised myself.
I also wanted to write about iTunes' new "Party Shuffle" feature. The first time I used it, it put Devin's song, "Valedictorian," in the playlist along with Flaming Lips "Waiting for Superman," Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline," David Bowie's "Young Americans," Jack Johnson's "Times Like These," Nirvana's "Drain You," and Warren G's "This DJ" among others. "This DJ"... what a classic.
Then I thought that I would make a post about this new guy I'm seeing and all the disgustingly sweet details I bet you'd all love to read about. I decided against divulging the juicy details for now.
Then I was thinking about how I should approach my dad about me wanting to go to Europe, but then I just gave in and called him. It was so easy to get him to say yes I was baffled and confused. I guess he finally thinks I've grown up. That's a real shocker.
So then I thought I would write about Beck's Sea Change album which I got yesterday. (I read an article a while back about this interviewer that went to a record store with Beck who bought like all of James Taylor's albums. Sea Change is very much influenced by James Taylor.) Somebody broke Beck's heart. Poor guy. My favorite song on the album is Lost Cause.
Your sorry eyes, they cut through bone.
They make it hard to leave you alone.
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new.
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause.
There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming, they see you go.
They know your secrets, and you know theirs
This town is crazy, but nobody cares.
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause.
I'm tired of fightin'
I'm tired of fightin'
Fighting for a lost cause
There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
There's no one laughing at your back now
No one standing at your door
Is that what you thought love was for?
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause.
This summer I'm going to Europe!!! I'm so excited! Yay!
If I don't vent right now I'm going to explode.
Today was utterly disappointing. I'm finally "done" designing and tweeking my graphic design portfolio and its auxiliary, known as the "leavebehind," and I'm very happy that it is "done." I have no complaints about that. Hettie and I decided that we would try to provide each other with sanity-support during these tough times by printing our projects together. She suggested meeting at Kinko's (mistake #1) in Oakland (mistake #2) at 10 AM (mistake #3). I left at 9 AM. She called me at 9:35ish and says she'll be late. That's fine, I say. She gives me directions to the Kinko'-- I'll meet her whenever she gets there. Being quite tired and lacking focus, I got on the wrong BART train (mistake #4). No problem, I thought, I'll just transfer. Well, I missed the transfer and didn't realize that I did until I was at the Oakland Coliseum station (mistake #5). When I finally got to Kinko's I turned on my computer only to notice a minor problem with my file (mistake #6). Luckily it was no big deal, but I had to burn it back on to a CD. My spreads are 11"x17" and it has bleeds so it needs to be printed on Super A3 sized paper. Kinko's does not have printers that print Super A3 sheets. I did not bother to find this out beforehand (mistake #7). Oh, it gets better. Kinko's says I have to pay $10 a square foot for my 20 spreads. I'm pretty sure they miscalculated it but, they said it was gonna cost me $216. There's no fucking way I'm paying at much money to have 40 pages printed. I decided that I have no option but to print it myself on my Epson inkjet. Okay, so, I guess I just have live with that. Now to see if I can print my leavebehind. It seems to work fine, amazingly, but I reacted too quickly (mistake #8). I didn't know it at the time but the pages all printed about .25" too small (mistake #9). Greaaaaat. So then I try to print the cover for my leavebehind. (mistake #10). I saved it in Illustrator 10 thinking that since CS is out that Kinko's surely would have upgraded to 10 by now (mistake #11). Lame Kinko's is still on OS 9 using Illustrator 9. So my file refuses to display and print properly. I tried saving it as a PDF but that didn't work either. I decided to give in and just go home. Hettie suggested that I try to go to CCA's Oakland campus to print. I figured why not try (mistake #12). I had no paper and Hettie said she had some. Then she said it was glossy... That wouldn't do, so I called the Art Store to see they had any matte paper. None. I said goodbye to Hettie and I headed back to SF. On the BART I remembered that I didn't have any matte heavyweight that was big enough for my cover so I decided to go to CompUSA (mistake #13). No paper. Then I went to Arch (mistake #14). Of course I forgot that it's Sunday and they're closed.
Sigh.
Did I mention that I had eaten only a banana all day? Or that it was really hot outside? Or that the BART's air conditioning was broken and that it was packed with people going to the Cherry Blossom Parade? Or that my printer's print heads need to be cleaned every several pages? Or that this stuff all needs to be ready by 4 PM tomorrow?
I need ice cream. And a beer. And sleep. And I will be happy again.
Today my brother commented on my outfit saying, "Wow, you've perfected the 'white trash' look." Only a beer logo t-shirt claiming to be the "champagne of beers" would be worthy of such a grand title. For a moment I felt like Nikki S. Lee.
And now, back to begrudgingly doing homework.
Sometimes you just have to resign yourself to having good time during finals. You know, see a movie, watch the rain, watch half-naked boys throw a frisbee, gossip with friends, go out to eat... not that I've been doing anything of those. Oh, no, no, no. No way.
Yeah right. Teehee. I know I'll have to pay for this by suffering through all-nighters next week. Oh well. Cést la vie.
Poets die young. Isn't this just wonderful news?
I'm thinking about so many things today my head is spinning. Beginnings and endings and futures. His hurting heart, her silent words, and his little grin. I get this sensation like I'm tipping over but I'm perfectly still.
Oooh... such a clever K-pride t-shirt. Too bad it doesn't come in women's sizes.
I had extremely poor self-esteem coming out of my relationship with Seth and felt that no one would want to be in a meaningful, lasting relationship with me. Then this guy I met was mad at me because I wouldn't have sex with him and told me that he's gone out with women 10 times more attractive and appealing than me and that he didn't want me anymore. Being self-deprecating, I believed him and felt like shit. It was only months later I learned that I had no reason to feel that way.
More proof that my low self-esteem was completely ridiculous:
Devin: "___ wanted me to hook you up with him. I said okay, I was totally drunk at the time... Anyways, Bridgette was all 'Would she date him' and I was like 'Naw.' And she's like 'Why?' and I'm like, 'She's out of his league. Monica only goes out with high power graphic designers, professionals, and rockers.'"
A few of my brother's friends have been eyeing me for quite some time now. Last night my brother, who went to a friend's birthday party, said that he told Pat (who is happily married), "My sister is single now." Pat replied, "Dude, don't say that so loud! They're gonna jump all over her."
Flasher attacked by schoolgirls sentenced to 10-24 months in prison
This kinda thing makes me proud of being a former Catholic schoolgirl.
This is positively the second worst picture of me ever. And no, you don't get to see the other one. I had to seriously contemplate if I was going to post it or not, but then I thought, well, it's hella funny. If I can make you laugh, then the world is at least momentarily a better place. Ugh, I look like a potato with hair.
Umamitsunami.com says,
"I have cheated on numerous boyfriends... Usually it was because by the time I was looking at someone else with stars in my eyes, the communication with my boyfriend had broken down so far that I failed to resolve the issues present in the relationship. I was too chicken to break up... my pattern has been to sort of drift away, severing emotional ties one by one..."
I've done the same thing too many times. Love is an addiction for me. I've almost continously been in some level of a relationship since I was 16 and sometimes I was in two at the same time. I just can't turn away from that tingly feeling of falling for someone. It's really tough to fight it.
I'm gonna miss this sort of thing now I'm single.
from astrology.com
Better pick up some throat lozenges on the way home from work, because
it's going to be a very chatty evening. If you're attached, prepare for
a 'state of the union' address. If you're not, that could change --
soon.
I'm getting this sudden urge again to write poetry again. At one point in my life I was totally convinced that I wanted to be a real poet with little indie books and performances at poetry readings. That was once a upon a time ago. I tell everyone I stopped writing, but that's not entirely true. I have some very candid things I wrote and kept to myself.
Here are just a few.
from summer 2003
The tattoos, the cigarettes,
the fine wine, the food we'll get
the buses we take
the love we won't make
the music gives reason
for the visits each season
i'll stay low
'til you let me know
your makeout sessions
my drawn out confessions
you're just right for this
so you'll just steal one kiss
"i'm going home sunday,
i'll see you again when you play"
but i won't go
to your next show
-----
i'll make you miss me
i'll wash your clothes and hem your pants
then i'll give you the key
i'll bake you a cake and buy presents
i'll write you a bittersweet letter
then maybe you'll begin to see
that you'll miss me
-----
these pills don't work
like the dizziness i feel when i stand up too fast
i misjudged the drinks
i sat alone in the dark, seeing traffic for stars
you walked up to me and sat down too fast
all this time we just let pass
i know i ran away too fast
you come here to kiss me
i run, making love to strangers
then back, to cry on your shoulders
the dilberate mistakes i make
where is this going? am i staying?
the dilberate mistakes i make
where are you going? where am i staying?
sat down to fast, took off too soon
you fly away too soon baby bird
this little baby bird
jocking: to engage in flirtatious behavior with another; to crush on someone; to hit on someone.
Also see
mack: to seduce a female with great skill.
OMG! How hot is Ben Jelen? I saw this guy on Nickeloden while my brother was channel surfing a month or so ago but I never caught his name. So this morning I saw him on MTV and I found out that not only is he hot but he was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of George Bush that said, "American Psycho." Nice.
In other completely unrelated news, someone has made a website called Whitney McNally in an effort to fight back against the continuing stupidity against asians in the media. If you're not up to speed on this, Details magazine has been publishing a series called "Gay or ___?" written by McNally. The latest issue has "Gay or Asian?". Gays and Asians are pretty f_cking pissed about it. Anyway, the quotes at the bottom of the site are hillarious. Be sure to start using "Whitney McNally" to refer to "the proliferation and continuation of bigotry towards Asians."
In the past couple weeks I've lost 6 7 pounds-- I've had almost no appetite. When lunch time comes around I'll think I'm hungry and get some food but as soon as I take a bite I don't feel like eating anymore. My brother bought me Ben and Jerry's ice cream today and I only ate a tiny bit! I made a huge lasagna last night thinking that it might spark my appetite but it's not working. In fact, it's the worst tasting lasagna I've ever made. I'm beginning to wonder what's up with me. I keep feeling hungry and then when I try to eat my mouth doesn't want it. It's so weird. How could I, a wannabe foodie, not like food anymore?
I have to gain all this weight back before my dad flies in on Wednesday or else he's gonna freak out. He already thinks I'm working too hard and not eating enough.
However, I love this shirt.
I FINALLY sold my tickets to The Strokes show. The girl I sold them to really made me work for my money. She started talking about how I should meet her at some hotel (!) and I had explicityly said in my craigslist posting that the buyer must pick them up. That means you! She must have called me more than 5 times with various questions and then she showed up 45 minutes late! Grrrrrr. Well, I can't be too upset because I'm $90 richer now!
"Zapping Old Flames Into Digital Ash" article
All the relationships I've ever had relied heavily on digital communication so it weird to have so many written records of the relationship when it ended. It's not as cathartic to delete emails than it is to tear up and burn old love letters, but either way your can't get those words back. Just never, ever, ever, ever, break up with someone via digital means. NEVER. Okay? Okay, good. That reminds me, I still need to dismember that old teddy bear in the closet from 3+ years ago.
Things I will not be doing again any time soon:
Keep up the pace while drinking with boys.
Wearing pointy kitten heeled shoes with an intent to go drinking. (I have a big bruise on my hip to remind me of what a bad idea that was.)
Uh, that's all I can remember... yeah... it's not even like it's a blur, it's just gone.
I love the Em and Lo sex life horoscopes.
You remember the fable about the hare and the tortoise, right? Well, the part that your momma and poppa never told you when you were a kid, the real ending to the story, is this: after the tortoise won the race, it went home to its little tortoise town and all the other tortoises were so impressed that they all wanted a little piece of tortoise action. That little tortoise had so many options, it couldn't decide who to shell up with! So it just organized a big tortoise orgy and everybody came. How do you like them morals?
So I guess that means I'm gonna win for being the good guy and be richly rewarded. Alright!
This weekend is Devin's grandmother's 90th birthday. Today would have been my mom's 46th birthday, but she lived only half as long as Grandma Ethel. Last year for my mom's birthday I was so busy with school all I gave her was a hug so today I'm taking flowers to her.
I don't get April Fool's Day. No prank I've ever seen, that I still remember, has ever been funny. At least Hallmark hasn't tried to commercialize it or else we'd start seeing cards that say...
[outside] We've spent so many special moments together that I had to finally let you know that I love you.
[inside] Psych! Haha, sucker! Happy April Fool's Day!
(see how unfunny that is?)
Actually, maybe Spencer's would be interested in such a product...
