Meditation2

Rilo Kiley @ The Grand Ballroom

I went to see Rilo Kiley on Saturday 6/18 and it was awesome! I made tshirts with iron-on transfers to wear the show. I know, I'm a dork, but it came out really cool! The singer/guitarist, Blake, said that he really liked Yan Yan snacks at the last The Elected show so I decided to make a Rilo Kiley Yan Yan tshirt. Here it is.

And it was good

Today was a bad day for My First Diet Ever. Oh, I guess I didn't mention that. Let me back up.

So I gained a few pounds since about April. I guess a small increase in my calorie consumption along with my large decrease in physical activity has lead to my weight gain. Devin thinks it's just because I have a boyfriend. Whatever the case is I can barely squeeze in my favorite jeans anymore.

Anyway, I ate a bunch of fatty (but so delicious) snacks so I threw out what remained. If it's not there I can't eat it. Tomorrow, I'll wake up and go run first thing! I must shed pounds. Must fit into pants again... need... discipline...

I'm looking for a blonde in a Juicy track suit in Beverly Hills

Craigslist mission connection posted today:

Asian Girl - m4w (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: anon-78835863@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-06-14, 12:54PM PDT

Saw you yesterday nearby Chinatown. You had black hair, brown eyes and you were definitely Asian...wow you were hot Hot HOT! This must have been between 8AM and 10PM near starbucks. I was the guy walking by you...did you notice me? what i would do to see your smile again. Please write back!

Ah, designers

Crazy graphic designers playing not funny pranks of their friends. I met this guy at CCA, he is a strange one. He suggested that we send him cookies and/or wine after they look at our portfolios.

Cigarettes, booze, and beignets 24/7

Healthiest Cities in America.
They seem to think that I grew up in the healthiest city in America whereas Jed grew up in the least healthy. This is part of why visiting New Orleans with him was such an eye opening experience for me. San Jose is so unlike New Orleans, especially in terms of health.

All you girls and boys that get so hung up on The One That Got Away need to fucking get over it. There isn't just one fishy out there for you, there are hundreds and hundreds and maybe, if you're nice, thousands. It doesn't matter how fat or ugly or poor or stupid or smart you are everyone can have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Just try stay positive. I promise that if you let go of this stubborn idea that there's no one else in the world as remarkable as So-and-So you find someone even better who will like you.

It used to be that I was so scared of making friends because I had this mistaken impression in high school that everyone already had tons of friends and didn't have room for me. Now though I see that people are lonely! They want friends! And gosh, they want me.

Glue instead of a hammer

I have so much anger and hurt inside that turns into mean-spirited action and eventually it turns away the people I care the most about. It never fails to happen. I'm always ruining good things just because there's a tiny, tiny flaw.

When everything is fine
The need to destroy things
Creeps up on me every time
--Rilo Kiley

Canon 20Deeelicious

My brother got a new digital SLR camera. It's complicated as heck. My job today is to learn how to use it. Yes, I know I was all jealous when my dad bought him the camera and got me a bright red trench coat (bright red trench coat!?!?) but he's nice enough to let me borrow it freely. Aww.

Now you'll get to see super clear photos of my face and realize that I have freckles!

Seeping through

My brother thinks I have a really good memory. I say it's because I blog about everything worth remembering. If I recall events and people and then write them down it just sticks forever. Although Victor seemed completely amazed that I could remember Sammy Hagar's name and I'm pretty sure I've never blogged about Van Halen. (We saw this guy who looked a lot like him at Delerium bar on Saturday.) At the same time though I used to be able to block out memories just as well. Not anymore though.

Memorial Day weekend a group of us went to Mount Tamalpais while we were up in Muir Woods. We parked the car in the lot and climbed up to the top of the point where you could see both the East Bay and San Francisco. I sat between some pointy rocks to look at the view. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Tears streamed down my face.

There were mothers and fathers with their children all decked in shorts and sneakers climbing over the rocks and snapping photos. We used to do that too. My mom with her sunburn paranoia hat on, my dad with his camera, my brother in his expensive basketball shoes, and me covered in insect bites. We took all those road trips all over California to put our feet in streams, burn marshmallows over a camp fire, and photograph amazing vistas. My brother and I would fight in the backseat and my dad would get lost and rarely ask for directions. My mother knew how to handle us though. She would make my dad stop at a gas station to ask for directions and she would give me brother and I a bit of money to buy a handful of candy to keep out mouths shut.

Suddenly, like those kids running around, I wanted my mom to be holding my hand as I climbed up the rocks. I wanted her to see how beautiful the world is. Then I thought, maybe she can it better than I can from where she is right now.

Santa Cruz, day at the beach

Santa Cruz with Monkey, Chris, Huy, Antonio, May 11th
Chris hasn't had a day off in a long time so we decided to take him to the beach.

Cinco De Mayo Party

Cinco De Mayo Party at Pat and Kristy's, May 7th

That's my brother, Chris, and Huy on the sofa

Monterey, Big Sur, Pebble Beach

Brendan, my brother, Jed, and I took a day trip to the Half Moon Bay area and Big Sur on May 21, 2005. Monterey was a lot cheesier than I remember it being. Pebble Beach was much grander and richer than I remember. And, Big Sur was amazing! The shoreline is breath taking. The water is so blue. It was pretty windy that day too as the photos will show.

Big Sur

Monterey

Pebble Beach

Fatherly advice on love

My brother and I took my dad to the airport on Tuesday morning. Right he got his bags from the trunk he put his arm around me and said, "I wanted to tell you something." I kinda did that thing I do with eyebrow when I'm worried. "Don't give your heart away completely. Only give 50%." Okay, dad. Then today he called me again to say, "Remember what I told you? Don't give yourself completely away to someone else. Do you understand that I mean? It's important that you understand." I said I understood but should I actually take his advice to heart? It's weird advice. What about commitment and loyalty and stuff they tell you about in movies?

My mom used to tell me something very similar. She said I should be interested in lots of boys at the same time. It's better to be a bit interested in many boys than very interested in one. What? Was my mom telling me to be a hoe? Huh?

What's wrong with my parents? They obviously really loved each other. I don't get it.

It's not wonder why I have no faith in love.