March 25, 2007

How very true

No one deserves to be blindly worshipped, so it's time to let go of your current unrealistic adoration of a certain someone. This much focus on just one person is neither healthy nor logical. Your emotions are clouding your rational thinking right now, and it's important to swing things back into balance. Admitting that this person isn't perfect won't destroy your affection! On the contrary, seeing her or him clearly will bring the two of you closer.

Posted by Monica at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)

March 12, 2007

Stuck in the trunk of a car

I was walking home late last night and I saw a guy get into the truck of a packed car. Seriously.

Have you ever had one of those dreams in which you're trying to run fast but you can barely inch your way slowly forward? Today might feel a bit like that -- frustrating and limiting, but also somewhat interesting. It's not clear what's impeding your progress, and identifying these obstacles is actually not all that important right now. You have something to learn from this struggle -- keep trying to run faster.

Posted by Monica at 05:30 PM | Comments (0)

January 25, 2007

The stars say:

"The fact that the two of you are not on the same page isn't a problem." -- yahoo astrology

Posted by Monica at 08:47 AM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2006

Horoscope

Take a firm hold of what you have and don't let go -- that includes relationships.

Posted by Monica at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2006

Horoscope

Keep focusing on alone time -- do not let social expectations drive you out into the world if you're not feeling it. Your charm doesn't react well to pressure, anyway. If you really want to have fun, make social decisions based on what would make you happiest. It sounds simple, of course -- but it's only simple if you remember to do it.

Posted by Monica at 04:00 AM | Comments (2)

April 18, 2006

Yeah right

Today's horoscope says:
Spend the morning delving into those deep, dark, potentially treasure-filled waters of 'why are we here' and 'how can I fulfill my calling as a human being.' In the late afternoon, you switch gears. Something comes up that requires pragmatic action. Since you switch gears as quickly and smoothly as a luxury sports car, you immediately get started taking said pragmatic action. To your surprise, you might find a few of the answers to the questions you were posing in the morning.

Pfff. Are these horoscopess written by Tony Robbins?

Posted by Monica at 12:46 AM | Comments (0)

February 23, 2006

Horoscope

Greetings Monica:
Here is your horoscope for Thursday, February 23:

There are certain qualities about you that are incandescent, but you're too stuck dwelling on your so-called negatives that you can't see them. Discover what it is that makes you special and worthwhile.

Incandescent? Now that's a word I haven't heard used to describe a person's qualities. I swear that sometimes these horoscopes are like Daily Affirmations. There's truth to this though.

Posted by Monica at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)

February 03, 2006

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...

WTF is this? Leave me alone horoscope! I'm not reading you tomorrow!

Greetings Monica--

Here is your horoscope for Friday, February 3:

What can you do to achieve your deepest hopes and desires? Remember, it
doesn't have to happen all at once. Make a list of the actions you
could be taking, then break them down into small, manageable steps.

Posted by Monica at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)

February 02, 2006

Only 5 attributes that you like

Oh, brother. Now my horoscope is telling me to get off my ass... in the nicest way possible. Those astrologists...

Greetings Monica--

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, February 2:

It's time to stop saying, 'One day,' and start saying, 'Right now.'
Your fondest dreams are far too precious to be relegated to the back of
the bus. Are there some actions you could be taking right now?

Posted by Monica at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)

January 02, 2006

All together now

It's my birthday. I am now 24 years old. Yay me. It's my zodiac year. I don't know what means but I hope it's good.

I'm thinking I will be having a party on the 13th (Friday) to try to forget all my previous shitty birthdays. I think that's an appropriate day. Evites will be sent out tomorrow or Wednesday.

Birthday Horoscope
Rather than climbing the ladder of success, you may be tempted to scale the walls barehanded. Your sense of adventure is accentuated in the year ahead and you are likely to march to the beat of a different drummer. April is the month to make an inspired choice and change your life permanently for the better. From June through October your vibrant personality draws others to your side, so it is generally a good time to push for career advancement -- especially if you deal with the public. However, don't take chances or make deals in July as your strength of character could be tested.

Posted by Monica at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

December 11, 2005

So what am I so afraid of?

Capricorn: Ready for complete, total, unbelievably all-encompassing love? 'Can't live without each other even if we wanted to' love? The good news is that it doesn't only happen on television. Don't rule it out entirely until you've given them a chance at an actual conversation. --Astrology.com

(Yes, I just quoted a Partridge Family song in my title...)

Posted by Monica at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2005

Thanksgiving stars

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
You'll have trouble hiding the way you feel. An overwhelming urge to spend every minute with someone you meet will take you by surprise. The stars say, Go for it! That means accepting the Thanksgiving diner invitation to meet the potential future in-laws. It does not mean showing up unnanounced on Thursday with a cornucopia ice sculpture.
-- by em and lo

"Diner invitation"? What a high class Thanksgiving I will be having. Silly Em and Lo.

Posted by Monica at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2005

It's in the stars

Horoscope #1
What's ahead is a cosmic payoff for those dismal Saturn years that tried your soul. Think fun and games. If you're not taken, romance will find you. If you are, it just gets better. You'll enjoy your kids, if you have them, or may want to add to the population. One way or another you're going to be creative.

#2
Romance is an equal opportunity employer. It hits when we least expect it, convinces us that it's okay to act like this just this once (or maybe just once again) and that we might actually enjoy it.

#3
As if you weren't already feeling so romantic you can hardly recognize yourself, you've also decided to pick up roses, champagne and videos on your way home -- one of which may definitely fall under the category of an honest-to-goodness 'chick-flick.' Oh, it's okay. If you trusted them enough to do all this for them to start with, you can trust that they won't tell anyone about it, so your reputation will be safe. Not even to bribe you in the future.

#4
You're ready to turn this relationship up to eleven. Prove your commitment by dressing in drag for Halloween. Unless of course you're an actual drag queen or king, in which case Halloween should be a casual day.

Posted by Monica at 11:36 AM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2005

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)

Don't deny the world the fabulousness of you this week. Get out. Have fun. Don't drink too many dirty martinis. --Em and Lo

Sounds good to me, ladies.

Posted by Monica at 02:24 AM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2005

When I lose control I go to totally ridiculous sources for hope...

Like horoscopes.

Capricorn horoscope for today:
Turn your charm up all the way to 11. That way it'll reach everyone it
needs to -- not just the folks within your immediate range. The volume
is sure to attract all the right kinds of attention.
--astrology.com

11. I'm turning it up to 11 folks. Put in your ear plugs.

Posted by Monica at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2005

They always know how to make me feel better

Em and Lo's weekly horoscope:

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Life can be like a fairy tale, it just takes a little longer to get to the happy ending. Like this week, for example: toads, toads, toads, toads, toads. So don't bother kissing any of them, unless you like getting warty lips.

Posted by Monica at 08:11 PM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2005

New Year's Eve Sex

I was chatting with a friend while I was checking my Em and Lo horoscope for the week.

Me: when is your birthday? i forgot
VirgoBoy: sep 9
Me: no shit... i must like the virgos
VirgoBoy: we're good people
Me: virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Put your feet up and stay a while. You've been enjoying the thrill of the chase for so long now, you forgot how much fun it can be to crank back the La-Z-Boy, crack open a tall one, and let the hotties come to you for a change.

VirgoBoy: yessssss

Posted by Monica at 01:04 PM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2005

Capricorn

You're not exactly famous for indulging yourself -- and that goes for anything in any category. You're the epitome of self-restraint, especially when you're on a mission, and your goal is in sight. Right now, though, anything even remotely resembling moderation just won't work for you. Don't you dare feel guilty about it. If anyone has earned a break, it's you. Take advantage of this chance to let go and have some serious fun.

Posted by Monica at 10:49 AM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2005

The answer to yesterday's question

Do not -- repeat, do not -- let anyone instigate problems between you and a dear one. Some people live for this kind of thing. It's up to you to nip it right in the bud.

and

Someone is working very hard from behind the scenes to cause a problem between you and a person you love. So if you've had that feeling lately and you thought you were losing your mind, you can rest assured that you're not. But what are you going to about it? Well, there's only one thing to do: March right up to them, tell them you know what they're doing and demand that they stop. You can bet they will. --astrology.com

Posted by Monica at 03:32 PM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2005

Tuesday, April 5th

For the next three days -- and maybe longer, if you're lucky -- you'll have nothing but love on your mind (with the possible exception of romance and passion). Better rearrange your social calendar while there's still time. (astrology.com)

This week, you'll have a chance to ride off into the sunset! We've always assumed that people who ride (sail) off into the sunset together are on their way to having great nookie...and we're usually right about these things. So once you get wherever you're going, send us a postcard and let us know! (Em and Lo)

Posted by Monica at 12:53 PM | Comments (0)

February 13, 2005

Oh, (almost) Valentine Horoscope

Capricorn: You woke up feeling nostalgic, sentimental and oh, so amorous.
Fortunately, you can devote every waking moment to the pursuit of your
partner's happiness. Of course, when you give, you also receive ... all kinds
of things.

"Receive"? :wink wink nudge nudge:

Posted by Monica at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2005

Happiness

Capricorn:
You don't need to have everything explained in full detail. Scientists
and mystics alike thrill to the idea of some great unknown. When
happiness enters your life, don't bother asking how or why it chose you.

Yay!

Posted by Monica at 02:48 PM | Comments (0)

November 25, 2004

Thursday, November 25

CAPRICORN: Someone is about to say or do something that will make you so happy you'll be just about purring. Return the favor by letting them know how dear they really are to you.

I hope that really happens!

Posted by Monica at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)

November 20, 2004

Saturday, November 20

CAPRICORN: You've probably made it abundantly clear that you'd never date a
friend, or an old ex. Today, however, you'll be moved to change that. Be sure
they're really available before you agree to meet for drinks.

Doh!

Posted by Monica at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)

March 05, 2004

Horoscope

It's freaky how my horoscope today EXACTLY matches how I feel.

You feel the pressure of an approaching deadline or collapsing schedule. There's no longer any time for damage and recovery. Once you get past this grueling moment, you'll be home free.

Posted by Monica at 08:26 AM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2004

Smitten

Horoscope: You're still smitten* with someone that could change your life forever.

Main Entry: smite
Pronunciation: 'smIt
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): smote /'smOt/; smit·ten /'smi-t&n/; or smote; smit·ing /'smI-ti[ng]/
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English smItan to smear, defile; akin to Old High German bismIzan to defile
transitive senses
1 : to strike sharply or heavily especially with the hand or an implement held in the hand
2 a : to kill or severely injure by smiting b : to attack or afflict suddenly and injuriously
3 : to cause to strike
4 : to affect as if by striking
5 : CAPTIVATE, TAKE
intransitive senses : to deliver or deal a blow with or as if with the hand or something held
- smit·er /'smI-t&r/ noun

Posted by Monica at 12:03 PM